Does it matter?—losing your legs?...
For people will always be kind,
And you need not show that you mind
When the others come in after hunting
To gobble their muffins and eggs.

Does it matter?—losing your sight?...
There’s such splendid work for the blind;
And people will always be kind,
As you sit on the terrace remembering
And turning your face to the light.

Do they matter?—those dreams from the pit?...
You can drink and forget and be glad,
And people won’t say that you’re mad;
For they’ll know you’ve fought for your country
And no one will worry a bit.


-- Siegfried Sassoon (1918)

I always knew he was a bad seed, but geez.


In the Year of Our Lord 1682

To ye aged and beloved, Mr. John Higginson:

There be now at sea a ship called Welcome, which has on board some 100 or more of the heretics and malignants called Quakers, with W. Penn, who is the chief scamp, at the head of them. The General Court has accordingly given sacred orders to Master Malachi Huscott, of the brig Porpoise, to waylay the said Welcome slyly as near the Cape of Cod as may be, and make captive the said Penn and his ungodly crew, so that the Lord may be glorified and not mocked on the soil of this new country with the heathen worship of these people. Much spoil can be made of selling the whole lot to Barbadoes, where slaves fetch good prices in rum and sugar and we shall not only do the Lord great good by punishing the wicked, but we shall make great good for His Minister and people.

Yours in the bowels of Christ
Cotton Mather

God's Bodikins, ya'll, it's almost that time of year again... Yes, the time to celebrate the birth of Abraham Lincoln! Every year we celebrate with Lincoln shaped chocolate sweets and the wearing of Lincoln beards, but this year I thought we might add a little something to the festivities. Hereby I decree this time of year to be the time of reading PRESIDENTIAL SKITS.

You all thought that they were gone and forgotten, but no... no they weren't. Much to all of our chagrin, I present to you:

( THE HAM SKETCH )

Was that not enough for you? OF COURSE IT WASN'T. And so, to appease your appetites I shall further present:

( THE DEATH OF HAM )


Yes, these were acted out all too often in the halls of FDR by the likes of myself, Kelsey, Stephanie, and I'm not sure about Kerri on account of, you know, France. If anyone has clear memories of the generation of these ridiculous things, I would love to hear it. For example, why we thought a pinecone was a good representation of Alexander Burr. Because that really puzzled me when I was typing these up. By the way, I enjoy how Jefferson and Washington apparently live together. What the hell was wrong with us??

For my non-American friends, Ham would be Alexander Hamilton, founding father and one of the writers of the Federalist papers. You may have seen him on the ten dollar bill. You probably haven't seen quotes like this one:

"I'm sorry you went away. I wish you were back."
G.W. to A.H. July 19, 1787 (during an absence from the Congress)

Or especially this one:

"I wish, my dear Laurens ... it might be in my power, by action rather than words,
[to] convince you that I love you." - Alexander Hamilton (writing to John Laurens)